To the People I want to Punch in the Face

I don’t normally have anger issues. I really don’t. (I swear I have never even spanked my kids – which isn’tt to say they haven’t deserved it from time to time) I can always manage a way to find the Zen moments in life and tend to lean toward the friendly yang rather than his evil twin sister yin. (Yin-yang, get it? LOL)

At any rate, it seems that the last few days – oh hell weeks, there have been more than a few people that have royally pissed me off. So much so, that I thought about hanging piñatas throughout my house to fulfill the innate desire I have to punch these folks in the face. Because punching folks in the face is not really a viable option. (Is it?)

Today, I figured I would vent the best way I know how. Writing! I don’t care if the people who have peed on my cheerios as of late find twisted satisfaction from the knowing that they have managed to sway my peace loving ship toward the dark side. I’m calling all of you out!


  • First, but certainly not least on my list, is the nice satellite television  provider that I have been doing business with for, oh say — 15  YEARS!  (Insert screams) When you  say you are going to be at my house between 8am  and noon, don’t call me at 4pm to ask me where the hell I am?  Do these idiots have any idea what a rainy summer day is like cooped up in a home with 4 children without television.  And seriously, I got up early – put on a  stinking bra and waited around all morning for you to get here. Screw you…


  • To the  nice people over at Keurig.  I was  super excited when I received one of your expensive (but oh so delicious) coffee pots for Christmas.  But….I  have been waiting on a replacement part that you told me you were shipping for FREE for 3 months now.  In the meantime, I bought a $10 coffee  pot.  5, yes 5 phone calls later and the part is still on its way. (Sort of like the checks in the mail if you  ask me)  Supposedly, it has been mailed on 4 different occasions.  I imagine that someone in Indonesia  is wondering why the heck they keep receiving an itty-bitty washer from  Keurig, because they certainly haven’t shipped it to my house.  Idiots!  For a $120 coffee pot, I expected better customer service.


  • To my  family.  Hello, do any of you see the trash on the floor?  I’m literally tripping over empty soda cans, and stepping on potato chip  crumbs while you ALL act as if I am completely insane when I tell you to pick up your trash. And for the  record, I see the Little Debbie wrappers in between the couch cushions. 


  • The  fools who drive their tractors on the road, carrying hay, going like 6 mph  down one lane roads, when I have somewhere to be.  Even if I didnt have somewhere to be, this would annoy me.  Could YOU MOVE over and let those of us driving real vehicles by you?  Because NO, I don’t find your tractor  sexy. (Now Kenny Chesney, he’s sexy)


  • I don’t  have a degree in technology.  And sometimes, well I just need to speak to a live person on the phone to help me with my  troubles.  Someone who speaks  English.  I have decided to completely boycott all the online companies that REFUSE to display their  phone number, or that constantly redirect you to some phony support tab.  And if I have to call at 5am, just to get a customer service person on the phone that speaks English because you are taking advantage of foreign workers – you lost my vote too.


  • The complete morons at the new store hosting a Grand OPENING, who thought they  only needed one person to work the register.  Really? Sort of like throwing a frat party with a 6 pack of beer.  (Boy do those folks need a woman running things)


And sadly, this is just THIS weeks vents!! 

So tell me, who has pissed you off later.   




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  1. Oh my goodness… laughing at how bad this sucks for you! I have had a similar week, and I finally gave in a cracked open a bottle (or two) of wine.

    The icing on the cake for me was the a$$hole in the grocery store checkout line, wearing his little bluetooth earbud (which I think is just stupid outside of the car) and constantly checking his watch. Rather than get into the empty self-check lane, bozo gets in line behind me. I have a full cart full of groceries, of course. The Hole asks me halfway through my checkout if I could go any slower– as if I am the one running the register! I looked at him sweetly and said “As a matter of fact, I can.” When the cashier rang my last item, I suddenly remembered “something in frozen foods I forgot to get” and asked the cashier to please wait. I looked The Hole in the eyes, smiled even more sweetly, and said “Are you happy now?”

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