This is probably why I often forget to shave my legs, as I am so busy over thinking the world as I know it that the water runs cold before I can find a razor that the teen kids haven’t completely ruined.
Today, it hit me. All these people asking everybody what they want for Christmas. People asking me, what I want. And of course, I say I don’t want anything. You know, “I just want the kids to be happy, eat good food blah blah blah.” Truth is, I’m just glad when Christmas is over so I can relax a little.
Then today as I grabbed for the shampoo bottle and had to maneuver the stupid top off, mix some water in it in order to get a smidgen out to wash my hair with, I realized I wanted shampoo for Christmas. When there was no conditioner left, I wanted conditioner. And as I searched for the refreshing bar of Irish Spring to lather with….it too, was gone. So I bathed in hand sanitizer because it was the only thing I could find. Then, I added soap to my mental list of Christmas gifts.
As if the Universe was guiding me toward my perfect Christmas wish, I got literally one freaking squirt of deodorant out of MY can of deodorant, which means my left pit is going to be foul before the day is through. Deodorant for Christmas would be nice too I thought.
My wanting didn’t stop there either.
I was almost out of laundry detergent, didn’t have any fabric softener which is one of my favorite things in life, and only had half a bottle of dish detergent left. Not to mention, there were two rolls of toilet left, and the 500 pack of Q-tips I swear I bought last week, was almost empty. No hairspray, and my face powder which I use regularly, was busted up into tiny little pieces. Since no one said anything about it, I am assuming the Elves did it.
I imagined how amazingly nice it would be to have a refrigerator sized box filled with all those necessities in life that I keep running out of. A huge massive box filled with LIFE SUPPLIES.
With four girls in this house, we go through lots and lots of stuff. Shampoo, toilet paper, conditioner, soap, deodorant, make-up, paper towels, laundry detergent, fabric softener and dryer sheets, Lysol, Clorox Kitchen and Bath cleaner, ziplock bags (because I pack lunches), aluminum foil, female hygiene products and of course several packs of pens because I can never seem to find one when I need it.
You get it, we go through a lot of stuff around here in record speed.
I wouldn’t even mind if the box had some make-up, baby powder, several extra bars of soap, a pack of Red Solo cups and paper plates (because I hate doing dishes), double a batteries and anything else that some creative person could think of.
And since it would be a Christmas present, Suave conditioner would not do, I would want Pantene and Duracell batteries. Throw in some razors and a few extra packs of lipstick and mascara and perhaps a few bags of Fritos honey barbecue twists, two boxes of the ‘good’ kitchen trash bags I am too cheap to buy, and I think it would be the best Christmas gift ever.
Instead of running to the pantry or looking under the sink only to be disappointed with the realization that we are yet again, out of something that I need, I could carve a door in my refrigerator box, open it – and find my goodies.
This would be the gift that would keep on giving.
This would seriously make me the happiest mama/woman in the world.
And sadly, I am being completely serious.
Screw jewelry and new tennis shoes and clothes I will never wear.
I hate hate HATE shopping for this stuff. I hate going to the grocery store and then having to hike all the way across the damn place to the cosmetics/beauty section to get hygiene products. I hate buying toilet paper all the time. I hate always being out of those little things that you don’t think about until you don’t have them. What a load off my mind this refrigerator box full of goodies would be.
What do I want for Christmas this year?
I want a Honey Boo Boo childs’ Mama stockpile of goods for Christmas wrapped in a super sized refrigerator box. That’s what I want.
And then, when its empty – I would have a nice, safe place to hide.