Confession here. Due to a recent switch in the entire mental make-up of my 5 year old that has turned her into a totally hot mess, I am now the mother of that child.
You know the one. The little girl that despite being beautiful is determined to wear the ugliest clothes she has in her closet. The one who has the stinkiest shoes on the planet because she refuses to wear socks and shoes at the same time, because apparently that is some form of rare torture.
The child that has the longest most beautiful hair in the world, who desires to look like Rapunzel – yet refuses to tame the quaff. despite threatening to cut her hair (which I wouldn’t do without her sort of consent) she sees me approach with a brush and instantly behaves as though I am coming toward her with a shot needle. Despite the amazing braids that her eldest sister can do – she refuses to allow her hair to be anything but down. And poofy.
Suddenly, she hates showers. Suddenly she has an opinion about everything. And I am just too old, too tired (or too lazy) to fight with her about every little thing.
I know, I know, I am the mother and all that. I make the rules. I have the power to decide what shit I will put up with, and what is acceptable
But you see, at this point I am just happy that she brushes her teeth, changes her underwear and takes a shower. I don’t want to fight with her about every little thing.
I don’t have the patience to do so (nor the time) with three other kids to worry about. And I don’t want to start out each and every morning with drama. So I handed over the powers of choice to her. (And boy can you tell!) As long as the basics are covered – she is clean – her clothes are clean – I gave up giving a damn about her sudden idiosyncrasies.
I went through this same damn phase with my third child. Eventually she snapped out of it and I imagine that this one will too. (At least I hope so) Perhaps some mean little girl in her class will tell her that her feet stink, or ask her why her hair has a big rats nest at the tips where she cannot reach with the brush and this will persuade her into changing her ways. Or, maybe she will just get passed this phase on her own.
Yesterday, determined to replace her stinking ass cowboy boots that she loves to wear we spent three hours shoe shopping. And despite trying on over a dozen pairs of shoes and two separate stores - none of them ‘felt good.’ She did like a pair of flip-flops of course because they didn’t hinder her claustrophobic feet – but I can’t go so far as to send her to school in flip-flops in January. She already is ‘that child’ that doesn’t think she needs a coat.
I wonder if her teachers and other parents take a look at her outfits and her unkempt (however clean) hair and wonder what the hell is wrong with me? I wonder if other parents walk into the school and see her crazy little outfits that she picked out herself and question what kind of mother that little girl has? Chances are all the newbie young moms who stick big bows in their daughter’s hair and dress their kids in monogrammed designer clothes (that look clowinsh to me) talk about me behind my back and feel sorry for my poor little hot mess of a kindergartener.
Yep, I have become the mother of that child.
The good news is that the buck of this disturbing behavior ends with me because she is an absolute angel at school. Every one loves her and tells me how sweet she is. (Sticking finger down my throat) So I must be doing something right. Right!?
Have no fear – I’m the “mother of that child” from small town Texas!!
My ‘Darling Diva’ was that child and is still currently that child. Last year I thought the same things as you “do these people think I’m horrible?” until I went and met with her 1st grade teacher this year and she informed me what a great site it was to see ‘Darling Diva’ every morning and that she made the day light and fun no matter what because she always has a smile on her face (at school anyways) and that she is a blessing in school and even her kindergarten teacher praised her to her 1st grade teacher.
In pre-k *she is my only BIRTHED daughter* I sent her in bows and matching clothes and shoes and all that crazy (now I know ridiculous) attire. What she wants and wanted – was a little bit of freedom. She is the 2nd youngest of now 6 children (we adopted 2 more in July) and wants her own place in everything. So I let her pick her clothes and make her own choices on her hair. She never wears it up – she just recently cut over half of her long beautiful locks off and is now in a short straight cut bob with bangs – strange on her, but adorable just the same. She wears retro clothes that my sister in law makes her – and even some clothes that WERE my sister in laws (who is 20) and LOVES them. She wears random color pantie hose, leggings and tights. None that ever match what she is actually wearing – and has kicked her nasty boots for a new pair of fake fur boots Grandma bought her for Christmas – they don’t hardly match anything – but she wears them anyways.
So, shes stands out like a sore thumb and some days looks like something (clean) from the homeless shelter – but her teeth are brushed, her body and hair is clean and she is smiling and happy. It’s the simple things in life – and this is her “simple thing” that brings her more joy than her new bike!! And gives me NO drama in the morning!
For the no drama – I can dig it for her life time if she wants!
I agree! Giving up a little control to allow a child to be herself – is great for self confidence!
I used to question the teachers when they told me how polite and wonderful my oldest was when she was in school. Are you sure we’re talking about the same child? The rude one who always argues with me and tortures her sister? THAT’S the one you think is sweet and kind and friendly and wonderful?? Really? Did you check behind the activity center for pods??
Maybe they act like such psychos when they get home because they used all their restraint during the day at school! Which I’ll say is a good thing!
I think the reality everyone has “that child” at some point. It’s just how OCD the parents are about keeping up appearances. I can tell you that while I was reading your post, I thought you were talking about my 5 year old. My daughter too has stinky feet and likes to wear her hand-me-down cowboy boots with no socks. She runs when I ask to brush her hair etc. I think you have it right. just take care of the essential hygiene areas and she will be fine. Hope all is well, Steph.
Anyone with half a brain and any experience with a child with a will of their own, will know that you are merely picking your battles. A little independence is good for them!
Oh, yeah, I was THAT child! Dirt & grime were my friends — otherwise a smart, polite, loving angel at school. But the best thing about all this is YOUR attitude [& other moms commenting here] — my mother was not so understanding. And yes, her emotional abuse to ‘fit the mold’ did affect my self-esteem well into adulthood. I learned to better with my children & they are doing even better with their children.
With your great attitude & sense of humour, you will help your children be emotionally healthy & true to themselves. Thanks for a wonderful post
I brought my 7-month-old to the eye doctor recently, where the receptionist said, “Isaac, you’re still in your jammies?!”
Apparently, parenting THAT child, starts early!
This is my almost 7yr old. She also has red curly hair that she likes to brush into a full afro and then puts on neon blue reading glasses. Help me. She is happy and confident, and i love it. But…sweet baby Jesus, she OWNS CLOTHES THAT MATCH.
I love that little “hot mess!!!”. I would not change a thing about her!! And that my friend… is coming from her teacher.