Other Peoples Crap Monday

It never fails. Mondays come too early in the week. And with 4 kids playing ball and doing all sorts of other extra curricular activities, the weekends seem busier than the weeks. And my husband is home on the weekends, which somehow, even though he does nothing (and I mean nothing) throws a sticky fork in my schedule.

Worst of all, my kids don’t ride busses to school. I have never once, had the luxury of standing in a bath robe with curlers in my hair (just to embarrass the kids) at my own front door, or on the curb if it was warm enough, with my dogs at my side and cup of hot coffee in my hand to wave goodbye at a school bus. Waving good-bye to a school bus as it putters down the street is a dream of mine. A pipe dream at that.

So, its wake up the kids – give them something that resembles breakfast to eat, yell at them for picking out bad outfits, and remind them that they have to brush their teeth and their hair as I rummage around trying to make lunches. I hear the word, “mama” fifty million times and wonder how work away from home moms are able to get their panty hose on AND get the kids ready for school.

I imagine from above (meaning the ceiling not Heaven), the scene must look like pure pandemonium and madness – because I know for sure that when I get home from taking my kids to school, the house is an utter mess. There are toothbrushes and toothpaste plastered all over the sink, the toilet is full of pee and toilet paper (my kids apparently don’t have time to flush), there are dirty clothes strewn across the bedroom and living room floors and the counter tops are covered in toast crumbs. (And spaghetti because one of my daughters likes dinner for breakfast). Half empty and half eaten ‘things’ are everywhere and their rooms look as if a mischievous Christmas Elf went ape shit. (I hate those elves by the way….they truly are the enemy)

So my Monday starts with picking up other peoples crap. And hopefully a shower. But other peoples crap always comes first.

Mondays, like all the other days of the weeks are a culmination of wiping toothpaste off of things and trying to maintain order in my home. Instead of listening to music while I clean up ‘other peoples crap,’ like Cinderella, I dream my cheesy school bus dream.

On this particular Monday, I wondered what would happen if I didn’t clean up anything. At all! What if I simply decided that I would take a shower, turn on the television and sit my fat butt (it’s not really fat) down on the sofa, relaxing to the complete sound of nothing and no one. (Oh wait, my 4 year old is still home.) So, what if I just hung out with her and watched Franklin or Dora rather than clean like a mad woman until its time to go pick up the kids from school again? Would the world end?

Today, I did just that. Just to see if the world would end. Here’s what I found out. Truth is, I didn’t enjoy it that much because motherhood has made me extremely OCD. And, since I do creative work for a smidgen of a living – I cannot work or think, or even ‘be’ among environmental chaos if I want to be productive. I hung around the house all day, pushing against the urge to deal with other peoples crap. And it made me feel crappy. It made me feel like Peg Bundy. It also made me tired. More tired than I would have been had I done laundry, vacuumed, swept, mopped, cleaned the toilets, made the beds, dusted the ceiling fans (okay, so that one is a lie), cooked dinner, swept the porch, and organized the shelf above the stove. And worse, when the kids got home, I was in a crappy mood that even my school bus dream couldn’t drag me out of.

I did however learn, that most of my energy spent cleaning during the day is a waste of time. Because regardless of whether my 4 kids come home to a sparkling clean house after school or not – I have to redo half of the chores I did earlier in the day right before bedtime. On this Monday, I learned that laziness is not fun. But I also learned that I waste a lot of time cleaning things, mostly other people’s crap, only to have to re-clean them a few hours later. Most importantly, I realized that my life is literally, 100% about ‘other peoples crap.’ Which is kind of crappy sometimes….