WTF Happened to the SOCKS?

socks

There is something to be said for people who wear matching socks.  It means that they probably sort out their laundry, plucking the losers out right away before they get lost forever.  For a very long time, with a houseful of kids, it was my personal quest to make sure that every sock had a match.  If one didn’t, then we would hunt it down like a turkey on Thanksgiving.  If I didn’t find THAT sock, it meant I was a shitty mother and housekeeper and it also meant that the unmatching sock situation would turn epidemic.  Think about it, if one sock doesn’t match  – your kids will wear mismatched socks that will end up in the laundry basket, washing machine and dryer at odd times lessening their chances of every meeting their mate again.  Sounds stupid, but the lesson here is that matching socks USED to be important to me.

Each person in the house had different socks with different colored toes so that they would never get confused.  I rolled them together, unlike my husband who ties them together (how dumb is that?)  I even made a ‘loser’ sock basket for all the unwanted, holey and mismatched socks so they could sit and wait longingly for the day of reunite.  And when that happened, I WAS EXCITED.  Way too excited to be honest. 

As time changes all things, it too has changed my OCD and the socks.  Not completely, as it still secretly bothers me to see my children wear mismatched socks.  But it certainly doesn’t send me over the edge, manically cleaning under the couch cushions to find a stray like it used to do.  So have I conquered my problem or masked it?

Being a mom is about letting go.  However, the one thing you shouldn’t let go of is yourself and normally that is the first thing to go.  I traded writing and other passions for matching socks.  In retrospect, I am still trading things but I do try to make sure that my trade offs are worth it.  So, think about it.  What drives you crazy?  What do you spend endless minutes or hours doing that is mindless and has no stamp of importance in the scope of life?  And even more importantly, what could you be doing during this time that would inspire, fulfill, satisfy and make your life more self abundant? 

Yes, some days just for fun I like to see if I can get all the socks to match.  And when my almost grown children wear yellow and green socks I think they look stupid.  But I have learned to control my urges to control, monitor and micromanage all that stuff that makes so many moms OCD.  And you should too! 

Shitty Mothers

When I first started this blog, I wanted to call it ‘shitty mothers.’  Shittymothers dot com.  I thought that the title alone would make people want to read,  But then I worried that if I called my blog shitty mothers,people might thing my blog was shitty too. 

Here’s the thing. At some point or another, you are going to think you are a shitty mom.  One day, my daughter whined so much that I thought I was literally going to kill her. (okay, so not literally)  By the end of the day, I grounded her to her room.  That night she woke up sick and vomiting with a fever.  I felt like a shitty mother. 

Another time, trying to referee a sibling fight, I sided with the daughter who was actually in the wrong.  I didn’t know that she was in the wrong – but she fessed up when I pretended to throw her sisters Ipod in the trashcan.  (I didn’t, but said I did)  I guess that she couldn’t live with herself if she knew it was her fault and I tossed $200 in the trashcan.  And, the only reason I sided with her in the first place was because my other daughter was USUALLY the one who started trouble.  So it was easy for me to believe in that moment that she was the one in the wrong.  (Are you following all that)?

Another time I forged a note – in front of my daughters, so their absence from school that day would be excused.  And the only reason they stayed home was because I didn’t feel well, and didn’t feel like getting my fat butt up and out of the house at 7am to drive the kids to school.  Yes, I know – shitty mother. 

I would bet money (not really) on the fact that most of us moms spend more time feeling like shitty mothers than we do feeling good about our maternal accomplishments.  I would also bet that no one, and I mean no one else on Earth feels as much guilt as a mother.  (I think Earth is supposed to be capitilized, at least thats what i told my 10 year old when she wrote her research paper)

See, we mothers cannot just make a decision when it concerns the kids and just go with it, under the elitist air of “I could care less what you think because I’m the boss.” No, instead we have to carefully think about every detail of our interactions with our kids.  And we don’t EVER get the opportunity to stand back from our work (aka masterpieces) to look at them with a fresh pair of eyes just to see if we are putting our best foot forward.

Mothers are forced to act in the moment, to make split second decisions, to stir several pots at one time, to always be looking for the needle in the haystack.  And there is a hell of a lot of responsibility on our shoulders.  It’s like moms are the queens of customer service.  But with our customer service, if we suck – then we dont just mess up someone’s order.  We mess up someone’slife.(And people wonder why we are moody and emotional)

In retrospect, I am super glad that I went with Momspirational rather than shitty mothers dot com.  (plus, it was already taken).  And in the light of most days, I don’t believe that I am really a shitty mom.  I think I do a good job, or at the least the best with the tools I have.  (Which sometimes is little more than a spatula and sponge). 

The moral of these ramblings is this! YOU  ARE NOT A SHITTY MOM. Every single thing you have done, from drinking too much wine in front of your kids, to momentarily resenting your choices to have kids in the first place is normal and natural, and not shitty.  So give yourself a break.  And just for today, think about all the things that you have done, and are doing right.  (But since those are likely boring, please leave me comments about the things  you have done that make you a shitty (but momspirational) mother!  And if you got a picture, please post it here!

Blessings – Stef

Moms On Facebook!

Oh yeah, we all love it.  Let’s be real, every day we can escape our lives for a few minutes and take a tiny little glance into the lives of other people by simply logging into Facebook. Best part is its fun.

But you have to wonder, is everything you read on Facebook real?  Here is my take on things, and along with some pretty scary admissions and just enough humor, I have to believe about this….I am right!

So PLEASE, read and let me hear your comments.

http://www.planningfamily.com/blog/what-does-your-facebook-say-about-you-/

Is Gas Costing You Your Life……

 

Sure, gas has gone up.  Again!  But there has to be something to learn from this economic fiasco, right?  How about some lessons on codependency and sorting out priorities!  See, even with gas prices there can be a silver lining. 

 

Read more at http://www.planningfamily.com/blog/paying-too-much-at-the-pump—/

 

Look forward to your comments!

Play-Doh, Moon Sand & All Things Evil!

 

As a mom, you have to admit that certain inventions for children, while wonderful for creativity and development – are hellish for mom.  On the top of the list, play-doh!  But finally, I have found a reason to be grateful, YES GRATEFUL, even for play-doh.  Find out why right here, and please feel free to comment!  ALso, check me out on facebook anytime, I welcome any ideas from moms about what to write about next!

http://www.planningfamily.com/blog/the-problem-with-play-doh/

 

As always, blessings…

Stef

Beating the Clock

If you walked in my house right at this very moment, you would see that depending on what clock you looked at – it would be a different time.  The clock on my oven, which is the first one you see – is blinking noon (or midnight) and has been for weeks.  Yet somehow, I always know what time it is. 

When you have children it seems like suddenly you become addicted to knowing what time it is.  Is it time for nap?  Is it time for a bottle?  Is it time for a bath?  Is it time for bed?  Is it time for dinner, time for school, time for a snack or time for a favorite show. 

Then they grow up and it becomes a race against time just to get them every where they need to go in time with enough time left to get everything else done.  UGH! And so the clock obsession continues. 

Yes, it is annoying but if you come into my home, you wont know full well what time it is.  And I sort of like it that way.  Each day begins with an alarm clock that tells me its time to get up.  But you know what, I am up anyways.  So do I really need to live my life confined by a clock?  My kids (and me) are always on time despite my schizophrenic clock issues. 

The lesson here is simple.  If you are constantly keeping track of time – you are missing out on spending your time wisely.  Be honest, you know when the time has come, when the time is right and when the time is now…after all, you are a mother.  Do you really need a clock to remind you of how many minutes you have left before you have to start the next best thing?  I think not.